Still Hurting
by dare-denymecider
Summary: Songfic - Despite his bravado, Gibbs is hurt when Jen leaves him. ***JIBBS***


Disclaimer: No copyright infringement of any kind intended

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement of any kind intended**

**A/N: I'm in love with the musical The Last Five Years by the amazing Jason Robert Brown and I was listening to a particular song 'Still Hurting' and I began to think that, beneath his gruff exterior, maybe the lyrics of this song correlated with how Gibbs felt when Jenny left him after Paris. So, I've changed the name in the song from 'Jamie' to 'Jenny' and I hope you like it. **

**If you've never heard the song before, may I suggest you listen to this version ****/watch?vFp0X-PIwBk**** of which no copyright is again intended ;)**

**This is only a short piece and I know the lyrics aren't exactly accurate in all places and it's a bit OOC for Gibbs but I'd love to know what you thought.**

_Jenny is over and Jenny is gone._

_Jenny's decided it's time to move on._

_Jenny's got new dreams she's building upon_

_And I'm still hurting._

I scan the crowds for her, desperately seeking out her Titian hair among the travelers in the baggage hall but I already know she's gone. Clutching her coat in my hand, I sink down onto a cold metal seat, wondering how it took me so long to piece the clues together. The secret phone calls over the past few weeks; the way she'd open her mouth to speak and then close it again without uttering a word, despite everything her green eyes were trying to convey; the way she clung tightly to me the night before after we had made love, as if she never wanted to let go and yet, obviously, knowing she was leaving.

_Jenny's arrived at the end of the line._

_Jenny's convinced that the problems are mine._

_Jenny is probably feeling just fine._

_And I'm still hurting_

I should have guessed something wasn't right but I've just been so wrapped up in her the whole time we've been in Europe, I think I didn't want to recognize the signs. I never thought I'd love anyone as much as I loved Shannon but now, the pain in my heart is back and I know it's because of Jen.

I look down at the coat resting on my knees and exhale loudly. She left the damn thing on the plane on purpose, just so I'd have to go back for it and she could leave without worrying I'd follow her. Without saying goodbye.

_What about lies, Jenny?_

_What about things that you swore to be true?_

_What about you, Jenny?_

_What about you?_

As I run my hand over the soft material of the coat, something scratched my palm. Protruding from the pocket is an envelope which I slowly pull out. The word _Jethro_ has been written on the front in Jen's bold script and I hesitate for a moment before placing the coat to one side and opening up the letter.

_**Dear Jethro,**_

_**I know how you feel about apologies but by the time you read this you'll already know I'm a coward. I'm sorry it has to be this way but I have to do what's best for me. Know I'll always love you.**_

_**Jen **_

_Jenny's convinced something wonderful died_

_Jenny decides it's her right to decide._

_Jenny has secrets she doesn't confide._

_And I'm still hurting._

I resist the urge to tear the paper to shreds and instead, fold it neatly and place it in my shirt pocket. After a few moments, I stand and walk away from the seat. I'm only a few feet away when a hand taps me on the shoulder. I turn slowly, unnerved at the fact my heart has literally skipped a beat, hoping that it's Jen.

"You forgot this beautiful coat,"

I stare at the elderly woman who's standing before me, Jen's coat in her outstretched hands.

"Keep it," I say and walk away, ignoring the woman's protests as I head over to the baggage area where my suitcase is continuing its lonely rotation of the deserted carousel.

NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS

**6 Years Later**

_Go and hide and run away  
Run away, run and find something better  
Go and ride the sun away  
Run away like it's simple  
Like it's right..._

"Hello, Jethro."

I can't believe she's got the nerve to stand in front of me after all these years without seemingly any kind of guilt over what happened. My eyes are transfixed by her own emerald eyes and I imagine, just for a moment, that we're back in Paris. As quickly as the image of our naked, writhing bodies enters my head, it's replaced by a series of less than perfect images. Jen leaving; the nights I spent drunk and alone in the basement; the mistake that was my marriage to Stephanie which led to yet more nights drunk and alone in the basement. I bite my tongue when she says "Should we skip the 'You haven't changed a bit' bull?", not wanting to unleash all of the hurt and anger that's suddenly built up again inside me at the sight of her. Instead I answer, with as much sarcasm as I can muster "Why start lying to each other now, Jen?"

_Give me a day, Jenny  
Bring back the lies  
Hang them back on the wall  
Maybe I'd see  
How you could be  
So certain that we  
Had no chance at all_

_Jenny is over and where can I turn?  
Covered with scars I did nothing to earn_

_Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn  
But that wouldn't change the fact  
That wouldn't speed the time  
Once the foundation's cracked_

As we exit MTAC and start to descend the stairs, it begins to sink in how difficult it's going to be working with Jen again. Already, my anger towards her is coming out when I refer to her as a 'tight sphincter in a suit' and her reply is almost as angry.

"What about off the job?" I ask, knowing that I'm chancing my luck but as I stand close to her, I can smell her perfume which sends me back to a bedroom in Paris.

"There will be no off the job, Agent Gibbs,"

"That's too bad. I missed you, Jen," I say with a sad grin and it's only then that I see her façade flicker.

"Don't make this difficult Jethro."

And I wonder if maybe she does feel remorse after all.

_And I'm still hurting._

FIN


End file.
